David Dingwall said Canadians should vote for another party if the Liberals failed to get a tobacco control bill through before the election, a promise that probably accounts for the Marx Brothers atmosphere that now engulfs Bill C-71, an act to treat tobacco companies and retail stores as if they were one step up the criminal ladder from motorcycle gangs. To save the minister's skin, the bill was rammed through the Commons in an armoured truck, passed by the Senate this week without amendment, and is slated to receive royal assent any day.

But that doesn't mean the Liberals are off the hook, because it's still not clear whether this law will ever be legitimate.

To begin with, the Dingwall bill may well set a precedent for parliamentary shenanigans. Mr. Dingwall has already sent two letters of comfort to groups opposed to the bill telling them not to worry about the legislation as it stands because he promises to amend it before the end of the year, assuming the Liberals win the election. In other words, this law that is not yet law will also not remain the law after it becomes the law.

The letters were sent to the heads of sports car racing organizations in Toronto and Montreal. Declaring motor racing to be some kind of national strategic industry, Mr. Dingwall said: "I wish to make it clear that before the end of 1997, we will . . . present to Parliament amendments necessary to respect the international standards concerning the use of logos on cars, drivers, pit crew and transport equipment." That promise effectively exempts sports car racing from many of the law's Draconian controls on tobacco advertising and sponsorship, slated to come into effect in October, 1998.

Exactly how far Mr. Dingwall will go to reverse the bill he just railroaded through isn't clear. But it looks like it will be okay for the racing industry and Jacques Villeneuve to have their images plastered with tobacco ads as they drive through the international celebrity circuit, but nobody else will enjoy the same exemption. No letters have been sent to jazz musicians, theatre groups or tennis tours.

The plight of arts groups and others could change if, as promised by Mr. Dingwall to some in private meetings, the government replaces the lost tobacco sponsorship funding with tax money. Of course, that money will still come from the tobacco industry, but it would be laundered through Liberal politicians. Tobacco money will therefore help elect Liberals rather than help sell brands of tobacco.

Meanwhile, as Groucho Dingwall offered relief to the auto racing sector, other members of the Marx Brothers bureaucracy are ripping up the regulatory scenery in the background. In a letter to the Canadian Tobacco Manufacturers Council on Thursday, senior Health Canada policy analyst William Maga instructed manufacturers, retailers and others on what they must do the instant the law is given royal assent by the Governor-General, presumably in the next few days.

The Maga letter also appears to set a precedent for regulatory shenanigans. The regulations that normally accompany a new bill have never been produced by the government, which means nobody has a clue about how to fulfill the requirements of the law. Instead of regulations, Mr. Maga said the entire chain of companies supplying tobacco products will have to live up to their "responsibilities" as he interprets them.

These responsibilities are seven pages long. As soon as it receives royal assent, retailers must "remove, cover or otherwise obliterate" every package of cigarettes and remove tobacco advertising material from public display. All vending machines must be emptied. All prohibited advertising must be purged from the system. The cigar industry must cease mail order business. And, most strange of all, tobacco companies are apparently going to have to remove all brands of cigarettes from the market that appear to be tied into the brand names of other products. The Maga memo cites examples: Dunhill cigarettes, YSL cigarettes and Accord cigarettes — Accord also being the brand name of a Honda car.

The Maga list also appears to contradict the Dingwall letter to the car racing groups. While Mr. Dingwall promised exemptions, Mr. Maga says tobacco companies must immediately stop "displaying tobacco product promotions at foreign . . . events broadcast into Canada." That could put an end to tobacco sponsorship of the Indy race circuit.

What force this list has is unclear, even to Mr. Maga. The preamble to the list says that it is intended to "assist affected parties to generally understand their responsibilities." But even if a retailer or manufacturer follows the list, it may not be good enough because "parties are advised to take their final direction . . . from the act itself." But the act itself is no help, because the essential regulations needed to apply the act are non-existent. Furthermore, the list of instructions was drafted "before any of the anticipated regulations under the Act are made."

So here's what the Dingwall tobacco bill means. It is a law that will not remain the law because it will be amended. The law must be applied, even though it is impossible to do so because the regulations do not exist. While affected parties await the regulations, they can follow the bureaucratic list of instructions, which are not legally valid because there are no regulations.